Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
