We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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