it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
