That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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