i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You dont lie about slip and slides
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
