I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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