Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
