he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
