Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
