i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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