Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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