ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
