matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
