I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
