so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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