I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
