i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
