I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
