And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sorry about my life...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
