Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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