HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
