Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
