gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
