But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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