Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
