Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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