Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
