i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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