dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
