dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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