My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
