no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
