i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
