Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
