did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
