saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm passing your future prison.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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