I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are the jesus of drinking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
