how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
