the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
