just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
