I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
