Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
