You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
