I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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