Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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