It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
