miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
