I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
