I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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