So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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