He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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