Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
