I looked at my own cervix.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
