I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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