My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
