Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
