Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
