Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
