Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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