im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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