there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
