GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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