someone threw a dead crab at me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize