What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
