I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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